It’s
common knowledge that our non-verbal communication says a whole lot more than
our verbal. But when you stay sitting pretty, have trouble sustaining a
relationship, a look at the way you are presenting yourself verbally may be
necessary.
I’ve got it all, I have a great
career, I’m attractive, intelligent, with a kind heart where is he at? Better
yet, with all I have to offer why doesn’t he stick around?
One minute you may hit it off with
someone and in the end you’re left wondering what you may have done to scare
them off. It messes with your mind and by the time you’re ready to receive the
feedback they are no longer in the picture so the pattern is recycled.
Well
I did some groundwork, interrogated (with love of course) a few of my closest
male friends and came up with five common verbal communication mistakes women
make that may be scaring men off. And no, this is not an attempt to change who
you are, however it will hopefully make you more aware of things you may wish
to work on:
Hogging the mic: A date isn’t
your local open mic night, learn the art of passing the microphone along.
Testing, testing, one two, one two! A soliloquy of your senior year in college,
a list of childhood friends you still keep in touch with and drama with your
cousin can be saved for another day. Believe me, he wants to know all about you
but not all at once…baby spoons, ladies baby spoons.
Bad mouthing
others: Watch a man’s
face or anyone’s face the next time you get started on why you didn’t like the
new Rihanna video, straight bored. Yes, you may be witty and absolutely right
when you give your two cents, but save it for Youtube girl. Wear your Sunday’s
best inside and out.
Thug life: I know it may
be in some of our make ups to be a little more aggressive than your average
female, but you don’t have to “throw up gang signs” in a man’s face. Like Queen
Latifah once said, “real bad girls are the silent type”. Pick and choose your
battles; a date shouldn’t be one of them!
Talking about
what you don’t want: The number one
communicative turn off is when a woman starts listing what she doesn’t want
from a man in front of the man she wants. Nobody wants to know that you don’t
want a man who plays mind games, lies, cheats, or has no money, that’s a give
in. Instead focus on communicating what you truly want out of a relationship
and do this consistently. Positive reinforcement goes a long way.
Say what you
feel:
Ladies sometimes we hold in too much, and we wonder why our men withhold their
true feelings and desires. Lead by example, if you’re angry let him know, if
you’re not ready to tell him why, let him know you need time to think.
Conversely if he did something you like, make it your responsibility to uplift
him with praise and recognition. Don’t worry about an overblown ego, we all
deserve to know when we are doing wrong and the more we give the more you’ll
receive.
I pass this list on to my love
warriors, ladies who have the courage to fall down and get right back up. The
key focus when communicating is to keep as positive as possible, whether you’re
angry as hell or bursting with joy. It’s not about changing who you are; it’s
about enhancing the best of you.
What Are Your Thoughts on this list?
Any you agree or disagree with, If so, why or why not?
Speak up!
About the Author:
Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and
author of the Goddess
Intellect blog
from Toronto, Canada.
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